An expert talks: Budget airline wines reviewed
I spend a lot of time on budget airlines. There are two ways to cope with this experience - one is to be mentally robust, resilient and calm, the other (if you are a freelance journalist with shredded nerves and insomnia) is wine.
Here is my Budget Airlines Wine Review 2017:
Ryanair
My first flight this year was three hours to Bucharest on Ryanair. As this was ostensibly a proper holiday I only worked roughly all the time of, I decided to do the decent thing and sink four red wines during the flight to make that very difficult.
Ryanair pricing is within reasonable bounds - it's €7 for a wine if I recall correctly but they're generously sized bottles, despite the lack of multibuy offer (see: Wizz Air below) and generally vaguely local. This one was Hungarian I think. It was red and came with a glass and they would sell me four in one go so I give this 7/10 for budget airline wine delivery.
Easyjet
Ah, the posh option for budget flights. I took an Easyjet to Nice, because that is the sort of swag place one goes on the orange line.
I can't remember what I drank on the way out but do remember I had two rose on the way back because three days in Monaco had turned me into a fanciful lush rather than just someone about one step up from a can of K on a street corner. I have the feeling wine is a toppish €9 on Easyjet but that there's some offer of two for €14 which seems faintly more reasonable for whatever reason. Also I was sitting in an aisle seat and after taking a very relaxed view about how long I needed to get to the airport, had swanned onto the flight last, to two empty seats towards the window.
The cabin crew manager announced boarding had finished - yes! I had Won At Planes! But no, actually somehow the people next to me arrived and were allowed to board despite the door having been locked - they discussed their property portfolio and how awful the French are all the way and I feel my sacrifice of getting mildly turnt before 11 in order to prevent myself telling them how awful they were was a worthy one for midair peace.
Wizz
Now, if you have mastered Ryanair - who frankly aren't even that bad - why not try Wizz?
Wizz are perfectly good as an airline - the staff are friendly and helpful, the luggage allowance actually isn't dreadful, the flights go as fast as they can and are dirt cheap for the distance.
However, for the sake of me and everyone else on your flight:
-you're only allowed one bag, your handbag must fit inside your hand luggage
-if it's not the large hand luggage it's got to fit under the seat in front
-just like, turn up and follow the rules ffs we all just want to get to Eastern Europe for cheap
If you can do that, then Wizz are by far the optimum budget airline for wine. At €4 for one or €6 for two can you afford NOT to drink six during a five hour flight? Wizz also do localise their wines so I now know what Czech wine is like (on a flight from Georgia but whatever) and my excursions to former Yugoslavia have been much #blessed by Montenegrin varietals.
In terms of price and quality, Wizz are basically unbeatable. Also the cabin crew will often discuss the wines with you because we're all bored and the mad journalist inevitably seated between crying children and a domestic argument seems relatively reasonable.
Also for some reason on Wizz you can by a kosher snack box that includes mackerel rillettes. Kosher snack box I can get but mackerel? In a plane? I bought one and I'm surprised I wasn't murdered. It was ok but god, the stench - the mackerel, the power, the horror in hour 3 of 5 in the most cramped seats legal (smaller than Ryanair) - woweee it is A Thing. Anyway then they let me have loads more wine so overall v good, tick - you have served me excellently Wizz and I intend to continue with you.
Wow
Look they're Icelandic everything is expensive. Here's a tip: even if it saves you £100 don't split your journey to Montréal in Reykjavik because it will cost you at least £300 just to breathe for several hours there. Wow were fine, their wine was fine, idk it was probably like €12 but I was sitting amidst a group of teenage boy scouts and I am a busty woman in her 30s who'd just realised she was the plot line of several pubescent revelations so I probably had about 10.
It was nothing special. French I think. Fairly pleasant. 5/10 did a job.
Air Europa
To be honest they could have charged me about twenty Euro for a glass of wine and I wouldn't have noticed, after a night in a totally shut down Madrid airport. I remember it being drinkable. 8/10 no judgement for wine purchase at 6:35am.
